Lack of Trust and Jealousy in a Relationship

All i can do here is speak from my own personal experiences and i hope that it may be of some value to somebody out there who reads it!

If you have already read my previous posts on how i met my husband and how i eventually left him for cheating on me,you will understand that my marriage was not all that good and led me to feel that i will never walk up the aisle again even though i have met the most wonderful man ever since!

What i can tell you is that if you dont have trust in your relationship and if the green eyed monster rears his ugly head too often,then you are in for a rough ride,believe me!

I remember the first time a trust issue came into play with me and my future husband and it was on the night of my hens do! I had to drop something up to his house that night on the way out with some of the girls in a taxi and when i pulled up at the house and got out,he said to me "i hope you dont end up gettin off with some bloke tonight". It was his rather agressive tone that in a way ruined my hens party before it actually began! It was the way it was said and i remember one of my best friends saying to me "Hollie,sorry for saying this but i dont think you should be marrying this guy"! I did not even question her at the time but i have to say,i did have this feeling deep down in myself that maybe she is right but i was attracted to him physically!

Anyway as you all know,we did get married and i would like to mention some incidents that occurred during the marriage with a view to his untrustworthy nature and his jealousy!

I worked in a bar/nightclub when he first met me and continued to do so after we got married as we needed the money! More times than not,he would come out to the club at 3am to collect me from work,sometimes even before this and he would sit at the bar staring at me all the time making sure that i was not talking to any of the guys that just might want to be friendly. My job working in this business was to be nice to the customers and i just felt so uncomfortable and i could not be myself with him looking on. I felt like i was walking on eggshells and did not enjoy working at all when he was around! He did not come to the club to see me and collect me for the love he had for me,it was from the fact that he did not want anybody talking to me and that meant anybody!

It had an awful affect on me as even when we would be out doing the shopping,i was in fear of somebody actually saying hello to me as he would immediately say "who's that, how do you know him/her" He always thought the worst and never had a problem questioning me knowing that it was draining my confidence and changing me from a normal outgoing funloving girl into what you could call a bit of a nervous wreck!

We decided to go out one night to the nightclub where i worked which for me was not much fun but he seemed to want to go for some reason. He spent the whole night just watching me as i tried to actually enjoy myself and oh i must mention my friend Lisa was also in our company! There was an incident that happened that night when a regular customer came up to me and said "have you seen him,is he here yet", he was talking about his pal who always came to the nightclub with him and as regulars,i knew them quite well obviously!
Well this set him off completely and he first asked "who the f*** is that,what's he talking about asking you is he here yet". I tried to explain that him and his pal are regulars and that he had just asked me if i had seen his friend yet! So off he goes and confronts this guy accusing him of all sorts with me! The security staff had to be called and he was asked to leave! I was never so embarrassed in my life! His jealous and untrustworthy nature was clear to be seen and i would like to point out that i never ever was unfaithful in my marriage! I was loyal to the very end as that is the type of girl i am!

And if ever i got a phone call or a text,it was the same again "who was that"! I could not live a normal life under these circumstances and as i mentioned earlier walking on eggshells and nervous wreck! Even when i was getting dressed to go out,it was always a case of,you have too much makeup on,why are you wearing red lipstick,that skirt is too short,those heels are too high! It was never a case of " Hollie,you look gorgeous" it was more like who was i out to impress!

These are only a few incidents that happened during my marriage and i will add to this post at a later date! The jealousy and lack of trust just wore me down,i was living in a marriage that i could not be myself and it was such a horrible feeling of being alone yet i had so many people around me in my life!

The irony of the whole thing is that if you have read my previous post about my marriage,you will infact know that my husband was having an affair with one of my best friends during the marriage and yet he was the one who had a jealous and untrustworthy nature,something that i would not wish on anyone!

Jealousy and lack of trust will not work in a relationship! I would not have put up with it for much longer in my marriage and eventually i would have left but i never had to make that decision based on them grounds!

Hope you enjoyed the read and please feel free to leave a comment,

lots of love,

Hollie xxx