Monday, 28 September 2015
I Want To Feel Better
The great thing about having a blog is that if you are feeling like i do now,it helps to be able to write things down and then maybe reflect on everything as i am writing and trying to make sence of all the thoughts going through my head at the moment.
The fact is i feel crap at the moment and have alot of real life problems,some of which might seem very minor but to me they are more than that.Apart from the minor ones,i have some bigger issues and am finding it hard at the moment to like anything about my life.My problems with anxiety have gotten worse and i suffer from many forms of it and also i am really struggling having been diagnosed with a severe form of depression last January (and this is something that i am mentioning for the first time now).I was afraid to mention this in a post before and only a few close friends know about this.My family or my BF dont even know.At this present moment i dont care if any of them actually read this post tbh.
I always know when things are not great with me when i lose interest in the things that have helped me through the last year and these include twitter (blogging and fpl community)which i am not joking in saying that some of my friends on there have had such a massive positive impact on me and have helped me so much just by being themselves.I do though get irritated by certain things on twitter and i am not going to mention them here now but i do know that even if i did mention them,some of my so called friends of mine dont read my blog yet give the impression that they support me and my blog and yet they will never see this post,i may as well put there names here but i would never do that.Maybe i just want some people to be like me.I try my best.
Anyway,i have drifted away from what i am trying to say and that is that i dont feel well at the moment and am concidering going on medication which is something that i have stayed away from as i thought i could beat all this on my own.I am not winning and i admit this now.I may feel better in the morning but i really hate trying to go to bed and trying to sleep hoping that i wake up late so the day is shorter for me (i am off work tomorrow).
I am not happy with my thinking on this and i should be looking forward to tomorrow and what it brings but instead of this,i am not.
It,s now past 2am here and i want to sleep but i know that i wont be able to and i am totally worn out,exhausted and fed up.
Sorry about this negative post but writing it has in a small way helped me.When i feel better,i will be myself again on the likes of twitter,and as the title suggests "i want to feel better"but this is really really difficult,