Wednesday, 24 June 2015

Anxiety Disorder-One of my Problems

This is a difficult post to write for me as i have generally swayed away from personal issues that affect my general way of life! I have not got the courage to actually write about a bigger issue that i have too but someday i will write the post! I hope that this post will not make you think i am a "fruitcake" as we say here in Ireland and i will still try and be the positive Hollie that i try and come across as on twitter!

Everyone gets nervous or anxious from time to time but for some people,anxiety becomes so frequent that it takes over their lifes and this unfortunately has happened to me! My anxiety has got to the stage where i now have an anxiety disorder!

I am constantly worrying about everything to the extent that it is interfering with my day to day life! I am even out of work for 2 weeks as i write this post!

Some examples of how my mind goes are as follows!

If i dont know where i am driving to,i get so flustered that i will for sure have a panic attack and infact am a danger on the road to me and everyone else! I will spend the whole time in the car in a total panic!

I have to meet an old friend in August and feel that i just dont want to do it even though i love this person and it is playing on my mind even now, 2 months before it will happen and i think about this every day without fail! This is a form of social anxiety that has also got hold of me!

Generally if i have to do something or talk or meet someone on a certain day, i cant function that day at all and spend the whole day totally stressed out! And also will not have had any sleep the night before!

I really dont want to go out at all but i also dont want to let my BF down if he has a night out planned! I worry about the clothes i should wear that night! Will people think i shouldn't be wearing platform heels for example! These small things play on my mind, always! Should i be wearing longer skirts but i am still in my 20's, just!

I hate getting a phone call or a text and i get into a nervous state before answering the phone! I spend alot of time day and night worrying that my phone is going to ring! Even when i log into twitter (which has helped me so much) i am worried about the notifications that i may have! This however only happens when i log on in the mornings!

I have major problems sleeping at night and most nights i just lie awake worrying about everything and nothing at all! This leads to me being constantly tired!

I dont enjoy practically any meal that i eat any day and sometimes just eat for the sake of eating as it has to be done!

These are only a few examples of so so many and these problems are linked to another problem that i have but i am just not strong enough or brave enough to write a post at the moment!

I was actually inspired to write this post by a lovely friend of mine when i read a tweet of hers tonight "Forever looking happy on the outside but feeling so sad on the inside" and it just hit home!

I never speak to anyone about this, family and BF included and for some reason,i feel that just maybe by me writing this on my blog and publishing it, it may just help me!

This post is a post that depending how i feel after publishing it, i might just go on and write another one about a mental health issue that is linked to this one but it will be a very dark post should i write it and to be honest, i am actually afraid to put my thoughts down in print!

I just put this post together at 2am knowing that i have to be up in the morning and i am so stressed out at the moment! I really should be getting some sleep but i just cant! I feel so tired and worn out!

As i am writing this is real time and it's now 2.20 am, i have just recieved the most wonderful tweet from

Hi girly! I hope your week is going well. I've had such a pleasure reading couple of your posts today. Your blog is amazing

and this has really cheered me up so much and brought a tear to my eye! Twitter and the blogging community and FPL community have helped me so much that i cannot possibly thank you all enough for! Things would be alot worse for me if i had never made the friendships that i have made within these amazing communities! Every day is a battle but i am trying and i am not a "fruitcake" lol,

thanks for reading,

Hollie xxx


  1. Your post has brought me to tears Hollie! I will never fully understand how someone feels when they suffer from anxiety, because I don't. But I have a friend who does and I've seen how it's impacting her life. I'm always there for her, because I know she needs me. And not a day goes by that I don't pray for her. I will never judge her or push her away. She needs me now more then ever! We find it so hard sometimes to share our thoughts with someone that is very close to us, parent, relative, significant other (boyfriend/husband), but we feel at ease to share it with our friends/blogging community, because we know they'll support us and they will understand. I can't imagine what you going through and I just pray that one day you'll find a solution that can help you to overcome this. I've never met you or spoke to you in person, but I can tell by your posts and your involvement in the blogging community that you are an AMAZING woman! We are here for you if you ever need anything ♡ Don't give up...Keep fighting!!!

    1. Alina i am so thankful to you! Your friend is so lucky to have you and again thank you so much for your lovely comment and support xx

  2. Reading this made me tear up a little! I also suffer from anxiety issues and it's so nice to know others out there feel how I feel. I always feel so secluded, and silly. Like why am I panicking about taking a bus on my own. It's great to know we are not alone and I'm always here night & day of you ever need someone to chat too!

    Chelsea xx

    1. Thank you so much Chelsea! I really appreciate your support lovely and i am also here for you if you ever need to chat! Reading about what you said about the bus,i am the same and i also feel secluded and silly! I hope things get better for yourself honey xx

  3. Hollie, I could have written this post! The older I get the worse it gets. Thank you for putting it all out there gorgeous girl!! More people can relate than you even realize. We are not fruircakes, we just have certain struggles that others may not. Everyone has crap they deal with but knowing you're not alone is comforting. Isn't it refreshing to be able to lean on this great blogging community and know we, your readers and your friends, love and support you!!!! Hugs hugs hugs sweet girl and it's okay to do the best you can because your best is Wonderful!!!! :-)

    1. ah thank you so much Andrea! This means so much to me lovely lady! I love the way you have worded your comment! The blogging community are just so amazing xx

  4. Amazing post.I know how hard it is to deal with anxiety ,but from the moment I told my family everything things got better.
    Keep strong girl :)
    xoxo Antonella

    1. Thanks so much Antonella! Maybe i should talk to my family about it xx

  5. I do exactly the same lovely! But honestly it will get better. Anxiety will eventually be a thing of the past. You're an amazing women and you can get through anything if you put your mind to it. If you ever want to talk just message me, I'm always here xxx

    1. Thank you so much Laura! It's people like yourself that are inspirational to me xxx

  6. Such a honest and insightful post. I'm sorry that you suffer from Anxiety Disorder and it affects your daily actions. Hopefully talking about it will help lessen the anxiety.
    I'm always here if you need to talk.

    Kelly's Journal

    1. Thank you so much Kelly! I really appreciate this xx