Wednesday, 1 April 2015

Why do partners cheat?

This is one question i should have asked my ex husband when i found out he was cheating on me with one of my best friends! To this day it still bothers me as to Why he did it! I did ask him at the time but all i got was  "i dont know why" and "it was there for me so i took it"! Now they are not answers!

This had a massive impact on my life for obvious reasons and it totally shattered my confidence for years! Even today i still find that i doubt myself in my appearance and personality but things have got better over time for me! I spent 4 years alone after my marriage breakdown and to spend that amount of time alone in your early-mid 20's is something that has been lost to me forever!

I do wonder why in general a guy would cheat on his wife or indeed a girl on her guy and a few thoughts have gone through my mind but i am only basing this on my experience and my situation with my ex husband!

I have come to the conclusion after many years of finally knowing that it was not me,it was not my looks or personality that made him do it,it was the fact that he loved himself and thought that he was Gods gift to women as he was an attractive man! Obviously he had seen me with no make up on etc and first thing in the morning and the girl who he was cheating on me with always had the full make up on etc and looked very well anytime she was in our company! Just thinking about it, she never came over to visit me without putting alot into her appearance and that was obviously for his benefit!

A woman who cheats is labelled a whore or a slut but when a guy cheats he is a stud or a player! This really annoys me! Opportunities will always arise for one partner to cheat but if they are truly are in love with their other half,they will resist,obviously this was not the case within my relationship!

Is it in general,insecurity that may drive a guy to cheat on his girl? Do they need to prove to themselves that they can still attract women and that a woman could still want them? Do they lack responsibility? Do they lack maturity?

Or are they just seeking excitement? Was i not exciting enough for him? This thought haunted me for years! I wasn't married for too long before he started his affair so it wasn't a case of married life being so different to the way it was as single people! It wasn't the case that we were married for endless years and the spark was gone!

So in my situation overall i think it all boils down to insecurity,the thrill of it and a total lack of respect for his partner whom he obviously was not in love with! And the fact that he was the type of guy who really really loved himself so much!

Just to put another spin on this post, i worked in a nightclub when i was younger and in my late teens-early 20's and i have seen unfaithfulness among my work colleagues! What happened was the security staff/bouncers whom most of them were married or in relationships practically all had someone on the side! These girls were generally alot younger than they were and for example one of the guys was in his mid 30's and married but his girlfriend was not much older than me at the time! So from my experience,i have witnessed the situation of someone being unfaithful and cheating from a relatively young age so to speak! I remember on a few occassions the wife of one the security staff socialising in the nightclub at the same time as his girlfriend was there and thinking "this is just not right" but i was only a young girl working and could not say anything! His girlfriend was fully aware of him being a married man btw!

Please think about the impact that it has on your partner if you are ever thinking of trying out forbidden fruits or are you just so selfish that you dont care about anyone other than yourself! Think about why you are doing it and dont ever forget that looks dont last forever and think strongly about what is there when the looks have faded! If you love yourself and think that you are "Gods gift", it is not going to be like that forever!

Thanks for taking the time to read my post! Hope it makes sense and if you are a guy/girl in a relationship and being unfaithful,at least have the decency to tell your partner before the inevitable happens and you get caught and believe me,it will happen,

lots of love,

Hollie xxx






25 comments:

  1. I can very much relate to this! The worse thing that can happen in a experience such as this is to question yourself and make yourself to blame whether is your looks or anyting else! You definitely right its insecurities and more so egos! Some men do have a lot of it!

    I love reading personal post such as this - thanks for sharing something so personal to you.

    Love you blog xxx


    Yas
    www.yasbeyou.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks for your comment Yasmin! It killed my confidence for years! So happy you enjoy my blog,you have made my day xx

      Delete
  2. good day dear .... are a bit of a hurry today tomorrow I go back and read the whole post :)

    a kiss

    www.UnconventionalSecrets.it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks so much lovely lady! Hope you have a wonderful day honey xx

      Delete
  3. Cheating is an awful thing to do to someone who loves and trusts you... Thank you for sharing this horrible experience with us!

    Bella Pummarola

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thanks for reading Anett! It was a horrible experience alright but things are great now x

      Delete
  4. I totally am on this, I was dating a guy for 4 years and then he cheated on me, and now I've been single for 4 years. Guys now a day's are just Dbags, and they don't have an idea on how to stay faithful anymore. I think some girls just "put out" too much and then the guy gets an idea that all girls just do that and can cheat on who ever, because thats what happens now. I've tried dating and it's the same thing all over. So I'm sick of guys now, it's annoying. They just use you, lead you on, and now a days I call every guy that comes into my life is a DBAG! They are like why? I"m like every guy is always a bag to me, it's like if you prove it wrong then that name can go away. I just don't trust anyone anymore...So I agree with you Hollie! :) Sorry for my long post again!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. sorry to hear about your situation and what happened in your past! I was also single for 4 years too but am lucky enough to have met a lovely guy now who has restored my trust in men! Hope things work out for you lovely x

      Delete
  5. dear I'm so sorry you had to go through this bad time, I'm glad you've shared with us your bad experience .... have an amazing day honey!!!

    www.UnconventionalSecrets.it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you so much honey! You always cheer me up every day! xx

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. thanks so much honey,you always cheer me up xx

      Delete
  7. Replies
    1. Thanks Maggie! Glad you found it interesting x

      Delete
  8. I nominated you for the sisters of the world blogger awards :) Go check out my post, all the information is there http://bellamarlow.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/sisters-of-world-bloggers-award.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi honey! Thank you for the nomination! I ahve done this post already but i will do the questions that you posted! Thanks again lovely xx

      Delete