Thursday, 31 December 2015
2016 My Only Goal
I am not the type of girl who says the likes of "New Year,New Me"! I have never set myself goals for the new year but this coming year 2016,i only want one thing and that is to feel better in myself and about myself.
Unfortunately depression and anxiety have taken a firm grip on me and i have always resisted any forms of medication but having read some amazing brave posts recently by fellow bloggers,i feel i have to take the chance and try and sort myself out. It is not fair on my BF,my family and friends and also and i dont mind saying this,on me! I want to be happy and enjoy life rather than living a miserable life,constantly feeling down and having a very disturbing obsession with death! I cant help thinking everyday that someone close to me or even myself is going to die soon!
December has been a tough month for me seeing everyone happy and i have tried to put on a fake smile and look like i am enjoying the festive period,this was difficult to do and i just ended up being very quiet and saying very little even when we out with friends. I have tried my best to be happy on twitter but i have recently just refrained from saying anything as i kinda felt like i was on a thin line between being nice or totally losing it alltogether as alot was actually getting to me.
So that's it,2016 i will go on medication and see what happens but i am terrified about what these meds actually do to my state of mind,how will it change me,i really am scared but maybe it might change certain things like the fact that i stay up late at night for reasons such as,
1-i know nobody will contact me as it is too late and i dont want to talk to anyone and,
2-if i dont have to be up for work early,i can sleep late so the next day is actually shorter.
I wish everyone of you the very best for 2016 and i want to thank you all for the support that you have givin me and for putting up with me since i joined the twitter community,if i had never joined twitter,i really believe i would be in a worse place now,
thanks for reading,
all my love,